The title is pretty explanatory.

The reason - I watched an episode of Celebrity Big Brother. If someone had told me I would ever stoop so low, I would have slapped them across the face and called them a moron. But there I was, hoodwinked by a fake storm of controversy into this most base of television programming. I mean they do NOTHING! All day long, just sulk and gripe and ugh...

Anyway, I'm going cold turkey, no television at all. Its been nearly 48 hours since my last fix and I'm experiencing a little withdrawal. Its manic.

I realise I haven't told y'all about my roomates, have I?

Ah..quel histoire interresant.

Basically, the girl on the other side of my room lied on her application and said she doesn't smoke when in fact she smokes like a chimney. She even lied straight to my face when I asked her and said it was her boyfriend smoking and not her.

Anyway, turns out flatmate B is horrifically allergic to cigarette smoke. He asked her once to stop smoking but obviously its an addiction so she can't really stop just like that. Now he's really really furious. He fills the corridor with air freshener to get rid of the smell and doesn't even say two words to her . Not even hello.

It would be funny except the only person suffering is me. Right now its the dead of winter, and her window is open so she can let out the smoke. I'm freezing and of course my arthritis is killing me. I hate cigarretes and strong scents give me migranes.

Living in this house will hurt me so maybe its time to move on? I know its really cheap but really, this is crazy!

Here we are...the new year...all new and...year-y

What to say what to say...

Well for one thing, I got a few essays back from last term, quite, nice actually. A 75% and a 71% which are both rather exceptional grades. Still waiting on the two that I blagged through though because these two I really really worked at.

On a personal front, I have nothing to report. I am entering a stage where I feel I can exercise some degree of control over my emotions and my general being, which is great. The only thing is though, I just finished my second novel right and now I have the writing bug!

I don't want to do essays, I don't want to study, I just want to sit in a corner and write. I can't do that logically because I'm paying a heck of a lot of money to study and not to write, but I lOOOVE writing so much. I love reading. I love talking about writing and reading. Arrgh...what an enormous conflict! Its one of those moments that completely undermines the concept of rational choice theory. Becuase I am on the throes of acting completely irrationally and outside the bounds of self-interest, even though I have perfect knowledge of the consequences of my actions....I could go on and on...but who cares (gnarls barkley)

Anyway, I'm fine and generally alright.

I've had a few deep thoughts that I wanted to share with you all. One is we all need to eat more fruits and vegetables. Just because.

Two is, at heart kissing is really a disgusting endavour so why is it that people spend so much time and energy trying to do it. COuld it be that at heart, we too are truly disgusting beings? Or is it that on a sub terrenial level...I don't know, I can't find a justification for it.

Anyway, I'm ramblig. I'm a little hungry because I'm enduring a 12 hour fast for writing and education and everything in between. And I'm a little estatic and have been for the last few days. Because I think, I pray and I hope, I've finally found my "thing"; the thing that God put me here to do.

Praise the Lord.

P.s Its my birthday on February 1st. Just thought I'd put it out there.

I never realised how grossly misspelt the title of my blog is! consciousness not conciousness...ah. Y'all must think I'm scraping the barrel in terms of intellect.

I have good news and I have better news, which do you want first?

The good news - I'm not in debt anymore. I know that I already told you about this but I can't tell you what a relief it is to not have this hanging over my head. To all of you still struggling with it, you are in my prayers. I've lived the stress and the strain albeit for a few months and I give props to anyone who can live with it longer and not go absolutely bonkers.

The better news, in spite of the fact that I spent another christmas alone-ish (you know when you are in a crowd but you feel totally alone because people are just dashing about doing their thing and almost completely ignoring you?)I'm happy. I've done something that I'm very pleased and proud of and that's always good. Ask me in a few weeks and I'll tell you but its good.

Anyway, on the subject of new years resolutions. As usual I'm not making any just because. But I have decided that this will be the year in which I make more of an effort. In everything. In my appearance, in my faith, in my music, in my writing, in uni, to be a better friend, to be a better daughter, to be a better blogger! Its just going to be a little more effort all around. The theory I've always had about life is that its like a little carpet that we all go about weaving. And whether its the finest persian rug or a generic large factory brand, its still a rug and it still has value to it. But that value is determined long before the rug gets into the store. Each and every single stitch that goes into it goes a step towards determining the value of the rug. And if you make a bad stitch you can always go back and undo it, indeed you should, even though it will be hard and a part of you won't want to. Its just a tiny stitch, right?

But it's not. It's a vital part of the entire rug, and one false stitch can introduce a line of weakness, susceptible to tears etc...One day, time will be called on our little rug weaving session, and depending on how much effort and style we put into the stitches, the quality of the materials we use, how much time and focus and attention to detail we put into it, the value of our rugs will be determined. I want to be a persian rug, so this year, I commit myself to making more of an effort.

I hope you do too!

Happy New Year!

I have good news and I have alright news...

The good news is I paid off my credit card with one month to spare! :-) Wooohooo!! I am officially debt free!! Everybody do my dance...(insert dancing here...) The 65 hour work week is finally paying off. And I finished all my assignments on time so far and did them okay so yeah! Give yourself a hi 5 on my behalf! (i.e Clap, its a new thing I'm trying and I hope it will catch on)

The alright news... my mom says just keep going and we will worry about money when the time comes. The fact is I may not be able to afford my last year, but then again, what can you do right? The best I can do is keep on keeping on and hope for the best. I'm trying to find a publisher for my book - last year I was the youngest writer to be shortlisted for the Macmillan African Writers prize www.writeforafrica.com - although I'm actively contemplating raising the money to publish it myself and sell the first few copies and then use that money to get some more copies etc. The only problem is as an international student I am not allowed to register as self employed and this is clearly self employment. Unless I get someone else to do it for me although this entails splitting the earnings. Je ne sais pas...

The french is going, slowly but surely, je parlerai francais comme les francaises.

So I've given it all to the Lord. His will will be done and that's all I can hope or aspire to at the moment. I feel no fear right now, just an odd sense of calm and control. And they said being emotionally dysfunctional was a bad thing...

Happy Jamuhuri day to all the kenyans, celebrating our nationhood. We have two independence day celebrations in Kenya, Madaraka Day (June 1st) is the real independence day (June 1st 1963) but on december 12th (1964)we celebrate the day our country became a republic, or gained the right to self determination from the Brits - a "Jamuhuri". Go tell all your friends that you've learnt something new... ;-)

Hey all

As of this moment there are no updates to give. I'm still looking for a job to do next year to try and save up some money. I spent a great part of thursday shuffling from office to office at my university but no deal. So eventually I "checked myself in" to the counselling centre for a little weeping sesh which kinda just helped me release the tension. I'm trying to be all prosaic (have I used that word in its correct context?) about it - all stoic and stuff. Right now the only thing keeping me going is a predisposition in my family towards emotional dysfunctionality - I have lost touch with all my emotions and just sort of try to get through the day.

At the end of the day I'm doing all I can. If I take a year out of uni i won't be allowed to remain in England anyway so I guess it will give me a chance to travel. And other people have dropped out of uni and come back right? Its a shame I'm not pretty - I could have gotten married and raised me some babies but no one wants me... :-)

We'll just have to wait and see...