I read this article today while taking a break from essay writing and it made me wonder. Am I a hopeless romantic? Over the last 2 weeks I've literally had half a dozen people asking me why I don't have a boyfriend. I've given a myriad of different reasons to different people but when I read this article I began to wonder. Am secretly, unbeknownst to even me, one of those girls who is waiting for Mr Mills and Boon to come and sweep me off my feet? Could it be the reason why I haven't attracted mr right now is that a part of me is still holding out for Mr Right?

And then I began to wonder...the rational side of me knows that there isn't a Mr Right. And lets get it straight, the rational side of me controls 95% of all my actions. Not to mention that the remaining side of me is governed by my faith (which to me is also rational so its kind of like an overlap - think venn diagrams). And according to my faith love and relationships and all that are a big old deal, so its important to wait until you're more than 2% sure that you are interested in someone. But on the other hand, if you combine this with this irrational waiting for mr right; taller than 5'7", dark hair (not really fussed about race but blond hair on a man creeps me out),extremely intelligent, good looking, great sense of humour, ambitious, knowledgable, adaptible to new situations, open to travelling extensively over the next 7 years, emotionally available but not emotionally needy because I am emotionally needy but i hate feeling suffocated...phew...the list is long.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that, am I shooting myself in the foot with all my high expectations? I knew I was high maintenance but this is ridiculous! Ah well, I'm a simple person with complex tastes.

p.s. the facebook fast goes well. You know I don't even miss it? And I have so much more time on my hands now, its amaaazin!

By Lisa Kogan


(Oprah.com) -- Ever hear the one about the guy who had peachy-pink peonies imported from Chile every February? Apparently, he wanted to guarantee his sweetheart a touch of spring each morning.

Then there's that story of the man who kept his wife's kindergarten picture in his wallet because they met on the first day of school and (even after 66 years together) that photo never failed to make him smile.

Oh, and let's not forget my personal favorite: This one involves a woman who thought her boyfriend was taking her for a weekend in East Hampton. Work was high-stress, and they were both pretty beat.

"You know what? I don't feel like driving," the man said casually. "Let's head for LaGuardia and catch a puddle jumper." But as they approached the airport, he announced a little change of plans. "You'll be needing this," he said, and put a passport in her hand. The very surprised woman and her boyfriend didn't go to the Hamptons that weekend. Instead, he jetted her off to Paris, and there, in the courtyard of the Louvre, he got down on one knee and proposed.

All three stories sound like urban boyfriend legends. But Peony Guy does exist --he colors my hair. And yes, Virginia, somewhere outside Tucson there lives a 71-year-old gentleman who is still madly in love with the girl who taught him to hopscotch. As for Mr. Ooh-La-La, I saw the engagement ring with my own two eyes and --so help me God --that diamond was bigger than my high school.

When I recount the tale of my friend's Parisian proposal to Johannes (a.k.a. the father of my child, the love of my life), there is a thoughtful pause. I know he must be doing what I did -- picturing the giddy hand-in-hand walk along the Seine, the caviar on toast points at dinner, Notre Dame glowing against a blanket of stars in the night sky. I sigh. He sighs: "Hey, do you remember the time I went out and bought the stuff that turned the water in your toilet that cool ocean blue color?"

"Yeah, honey," I said. "I remember."

I am a sensible woman. I keep Bactine in my medicine chest, an umbrella in my office, $200 in my sock drawer. I'd sooner remove my own spleen with a grapefruit spoon than buy a set of sheets that require ironing. I believe in practical shoes, low-maintenance hair, and whichever frozen peas happen to be on sale. I'm not entirely sure what a bodice is, but I can tell you that I don't want mine ripped.

Still, I can't help feeling that there's something to be said for moons and Junes and Ferris wheels. I believe in the power of marabou, the brothers Gershwin, bubble baths in claw-footed tubs surrounded by a bazillion twinkly white candles. I believe in strawberries coated in dark chocolate and raspberries floating in pink Champagne. I'm glad Victoria has a few secrets.

I think fireplaces should be lit, compliments should be paid, La Bohéme should be sung, legs should be shaved. I want Lassie to come home, I want Ali MacGraw to live, and I want Gene Kelly to dip Cyd Charisse straight into next Thursday. I'm not proud of this, but in the interest of full disclosure, here it is: I am deeply relieved when Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan finally kiss. My name is Lisa, and I am a romantic.

The truth is that I fell for someone who prefers a blue toilet bowl to, oh, I don't know, let's say "Wuthering Heights." Here is the worst --and by far the stupidest -- fight Johannes and I ever had:

J: What are you reading about?

L: Ida and Isidor Straus. They were an amazing couple! Instead of getting into the lifeboat, she decided to die with her husband on the Titanic. Of course, if Julia were grown, I'd do the same for you.

J: What do you mean?

L: What do you mean, what do I mean?

J: You're not getting in the lifeboat?

L: No, I love you too much to let you drown all by yourself.

J: But I won't be by myself -- I think they were playing poker and getting drunk.

L: So you're saying that you'd rather play poker with John Jacob Astor than cuddle with me?

J: That's not what I'd be doing, because if you're not getting your ass into that lifeboat, then I am. We are not leaving an empty seat.

L: Oh, you're getting into that boat over my dead body.

J: Where the hell is the Tylenol?

L: Try the bathroom ... you know, the place with the ocean blue toilet water.

J: You mean like the ocean you want both of us to sink to the bottom of?

Things kind of spiraled downward from there, and I still break into a cold sweat every time Celine Dion starts wailing about how her heart will go on.

So Johannes and I won't be taking a cruise together anytime soon. And no, those weren't his arms around me as I perched on a dune watching the sun come up over the Sea of Galilee; he wasn't the man who sent me a basket of French damson plums or the one who wanted all babies to have my nose. The slow dances are few and far between these days, and walks in the rain usually involve him running up ahead with the stroller.

But he did teach me how to fly a kite last summer, and we have been known to share steamed dumplings in a little East Village dive he discovered a few years back, and sometimes early in the morning I overhear him playing "tea party" with our daughter, and sometimes late at night I overhear him playing "Blackbird" with his guitar. He has genuine integrity, he has serious style, and he's pulled me through more than one bout of the stomach flu. Anybody can sprinkle rose petals across a big brass bed, but only a real man will hold your hair while you're throwing up.

Now, there are those who will say that references to intense nausea don't belong in a column about romance, but I'm thinking maybe it's time we broaden our definition of what constitutes romance. Ask yourself this: When the man you love realizes that half the screws are missing from the Ikea bookcase he's attempting to assemble for you, does he:

(a) Complain bitterly about herring and Volvos -- vowing to forsake all things Swedish for the rest of his natural days?

(b) Leave the shelving in a heap on the living room floor and question your need to read in the first place?

(c) Complete construction using a combination of rubber bands and Krazy Glue while suggesting you fill the thing with pamphlets rather than actual books?

If you answered (c), then, my friend, life is good -- because it means somebody out there loves you enough to try to get your bookcase together. That creative effort is the kind of everyday gesture on which great romances are built. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that while at the drugstore picking up the amulet of poison, Romeo also picked up a copy of "People" for Juliet. I like to imagine Abelard taping "Grey's Anatomy" for Heloise. I bet a day didn't go by that Mel Brooks wasn't funny for Anne Bancroft.

Don't get me wrong, I'll always want the chubby little cupids and coconut bonbons, but lately I find myself drawn to something richer, deeper, sweeter. Provided nobody decides to do a remake of "Titanic," with Johannes each day is Valentine's Day.

Its so coooolddd...

Its wierd because the sun comes out during the day and then at night the frost comes out. They say that the frost is confusing the rats and its confusing the bulbs as well. The latter come out as soon as the warmth comes out and then the poor loves freeze to death!! Ha ha ha...it was so funny to see them all covered with ice, almsot shivering as the wind blew across them. And apparently we're going to have a rat problem because the long spring/summer gives them more mating time and then...dum dum dum dum...more rats...ha ha ha...we've already seen three or four in my housing complex. Ah..aint life grand.

Another interesting article...

Annan's team strikes half-way deal in talks

Story by NATION Team
Publication Date: 2/15/2008
The agreement reached after two days of talks to end Kenya’s post election political crisis will be revealed Friday.


MPs James Orengo (left) and Mutula Kilonzo chat at the Wilson Airport, Nairobi, on Thursday after arriving from Kilaguni Serena Lodge in Tsavo West National Park where the ODM and PNU negotiators under former UN boss Kofi Annan met for two days. Photo/ PHOEBE OKALL
Former UN Secretary General Kofi Annan will make the negotiation details public at a news conference at the Serena Hotel, Nairobi.

Representatives of the Government and ODM flew back to Nairobi Thursday afternoon but declined to discuss the outcome of their talks at Kilaguni Serena Lodge in the Tsavo National Park. The discussions will resume in Nairobi on Monday.

Kenyans are pinning their hopes on this latest round of talks for an end to the polls stalemate which erupted into violence killing more than 1,000 people and displacing 350,000 others.

What was agreed

A statement issued by Mr Annan’s spokesman Thursday said: “Mr Annan will return to Nairobi tomorrow, Friday 15th February. He will speak to the Press at 5 pm at the Serena Hotel to outline what was agreed in 48 hours of discussions in a location outside of the capital.” The statement added: “Mr Annan will make available the text of the Agreement signed today by both parties.”

It emerged that both sides are agreed on the need to have some accommodation of ODM MPs in the government, but differ on details and terminologies.

In the discussions, it is understood that the government side argued that the terminology “power-sharing” should be excluded from any pact.

It was also understood that the government side argued for a non-executive prime minister to serve at the pleasure of the President.

They also want the President to decide who from ODM should join the Cabinet, comprehensive constitutional review within a year, and for President Kibaki to serve the full five year term.

ODM participants, on the other hand, were understood to have proposed that the roles of the President as Head of State, be separated from those of Head of Government. This would mean either that the position of prime minister be created to serve as Head of Government or a new office such as Chief Minister.

They were also understood to have argued for a two-year transition period for fresh Presidential elections to be held

In other developments, US President George W. Bush, who heads to Africa this week, said he had asked Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice to go to Kenya with a message to the leaders that there must be a full return to democracy.

End the crisis

“In Kenya we’re backing the efforts of former UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan to end the crisis,” President Bush said in a speech on Africa.

“And when we’re on the continent I’ve asked Condi Rice ... to travel to Kenya to support the work of the former secretary general and to deliver a message directly to Kenya’s leaders and people: there must be an immediate halt to violence, there must be justice for the victims of abuse and there must be a full return to democracy,” he said.

Opposition leader Raila Odinga accuses Kibaki’s team of rigging the vote, while Kibaki says he won fairly.

Britain’s Foreign Secretary David Miliband repeated statements by British government officials that they do not recognise the current Kenyan government as representing the democratic will of the Kenyan people.

“We share the urgent desire of Kenyans and our international partners for all Kenya’s leaders to show the flexibility to turn this post-election crisis into an opportunity, and establish the basis - through Kofi Annan’s mediation - for a lasting solution,” he said in a statement.

No agreement

But Justice and Constitutional Affairs minister Martha Karua said no agreement had been reached.

Speaking on arrival at Wilson Airport, Ms Karua asked foreign diplomats to stop giving their views on the mediation talks since Kenya was a sovereign state.

“It is unfortunate to note that some diplomats are abusing Kenya’s hospitality by giving their unsolicited views on the mediation talks...

“I would like to remind them we are not a colony... I urge them to refrain from such behaviour and adhere to the diplomatic convention of not interfering with sovereign states,” said Ms Karua.

On the Kilaguni talks she said: ‘‘Optimism is not the same thing as reality. We have not reached any agreement but we are progressing well.’’

The Kenya Air Force plane carrying the ODM and PNU mediation teams touched down at the airport at exactly 5.42pm.

First to disembark from the plane was ODM Pentagon member Musalia Mudavadi who was followed by colleague William Ruto, Aldai MP Sally Kosgey, Ms Karua, Foreign Affairs minister Moses Wetangula, MP Mutula Kilonzo and James Orengo among others.

Sources familiar with the talks said the agreement signed involves details of discussions between the two sides up to the time of adjournment Thursday.

The sources said that both Government and ODM needed to get fresh brief from their principals, President Kibaki and ODM leader Raila Odinga. Mr Odinga was said to have gone into a meeting with Mr Mudavadi at a Nairobi hotel later in the evening to get a briefing on the talks.

There were high hopes and anxiety Thursday as Kenyans and international community waited for the outcome of the mediation talks to end political crisis in the country.

Mr Annan’s Panel of Eminent Persons, the ODM and Government negotiators moved to Kilaguni lodge on Tuesday to avoid publicity and have better environment for conclusion of discussions for short-term solutions to end the crisis.

The former UN boss, who was appointed by the African Union to spearhead the negotiations, had set Thursday evening as deadline to arrive at solutions.

The ODM and government sides had promised to arrive at short-term solutions to help restore peace and stability in the country within seven to 15 days from January 29 when the talks started. Long-term solutions are to be agreed upon within a year. A source close to the negotiators said they were Thursday evening working round the clock to beat the deadline before making a formal announcement on outcome either Friday or Saturday in Nairobi
.
Before flying to Kilaguni Serena Lodge to fine tune the deal, Mr Annan hinted that coalition governments had worked elsewhere as a way out of political crisis

His proposal of a possible grand coalition attracted an outcry from PNU with Ms Karua saying the matter had not been discussed at the talks and misrepresented her party’s position.

Mr Annan later clarified that his statement was only a proposal for further discussion.

Both ODM and PNU have tabled proposals for a power-sharing agreement at the talks. The government side is however said to be against fresh elections but ODM says this was the only way to ensure justice to Kenyans.

Ms Karua is leading government team of negotiators who include Mr Wetangula, Education minister Sam Ongeri and Mbooni’s Kilonzo. The ODM side is led by Mr Mudavadi, backed by Eldoret North MP William Ruto, Orengo (Ugenya) and Dr Kosgei (Aldai).

Others in Mr Annan’s panel are former South African President Nelson Mandela’s wife Graca Machel and former Tanzanian President Benjamin Mkapa.

Mr Annan has led the politicians in listing four key issues to end the current crisis and prevent future one.

The issues include an end to violence, ensuring human rights and security of all Kenyans, resettlement of displaced people and giving them humanitarian assistance. The other issue is how to address political crisis resulting from disputed presidential election results.

Legal reforms

The long-term issues include constitution review, land and legal reforms.

The European Union, United Nations and a number of countries have since warned those bent on scuttling the talks of dire conseqences saying they would not allow Kenya to collapse.

Nearly 600,000 people have fled their homes especially in Rift Valley, Central, Western, Nairobi and Nyanza provinces.

Mr Annan is understood to have made it clear that while the international community was playing its role in urging for a quick political solution, the real players in the political game shouldered the responsibility of ending the conflict.

One week and counting. I'm generally feeling strong although right now I'm having a moment of weakness because I'm working on my dissertation and I only had 6 hours of sleep last night. So bored. So tired. sigh...

I haven't posted for two days because I have been extraordinarily busy. My friends and I ran a charity fundraiser for the Kenya Society of the Red Cross this weekend to help the people who had been affected by the current crisis in Kenya. Unfortunately the turnout was obscenely low, utterly and obscenely low. But we still managed to raise £200 which is pretty fantastic. I'm just so dissapointed in my so called friends though. All the people who promise you that they will come and then never show up its really annoying. Its their loss anyway, the food was great. Anyway, reading week this week. Trying to re write the dissertation after the original first draft was lost in the great computer crash of 2008...he he he...Still off facebook so evrytime I'm looking for a distraction I end up browsing the web, digging for information. Here's an interesting article I found.

COMMENTARY

Kenyans should strive to place a positive value on diversity

Story by LEE NJIRU
Publication Date: 2/11/2008
I have just come from Rift Valley and Central Provinces a saddened man, dejected and horrified.

After witnessing crimes of unprecedented scope being perpetrated, the murder of hundreds of innocent children, women and old people, I feel like I am going crazy.

The evil-doers show arrogant disregard of all conscience and compassion. The heavens run crimson with innocent blood.

The sobs of the maimed children and women make the earth tremble and shake the very foundations of out civilisation. And are we really civilised?

Our political leaders, elders, clerics and intelligentsia must decide, fast, whether our country must continue to slide into economic and political chaos with all the attendant consequences,

SINCE INTER-ETHNIC MISTRUST AND murderous hatred are at an all-time high, these categories of leaders must decide whether our beloved country should remain one or be dismembered into tribal kingdoms.

They must decide whether criminal gangs should be left alone to mount illegal road blocks and extort money on our highways. They must decide whether Kenyans should degenerate into lunatics. And by the way, are there enough lunatic asylums?

After witnessing the heart-rending and inconsolable misery in the camps holding the internally displaced, I remembered former President Moi’s oft-repeated admonition, which runs thus: “Siasa mbaya, maisha mbaya”.

Before this tragedy befell Kenya, most Kenyans took this admonition as a mere cliche, a tired catchword to be evoked and expounded upon for rhetorical resonance.

Mr Moi’s exhortations are now alive. They are our goal, our dream, our hope. They are the earth under our feet and the skies above us. They will spell the end of living like hunted dogs.

His prediction has taken on magical powers and now means something greater than before. “If you are tired of peace, don’t hasten the coming of mayhem. It will come on its own and it will fry both the bad and the innocent,” was another familiar prediction from Mzee Moi.

The minister for Energy, Kiraitu Murungi, confessed in an article appearing in the Nation of February 3, 2008 that he was one of those who dismissed Mzee Moi as a dictator when he described Kenya as a “collection of warring tribes”.

When Kiraitu writes in the same article about “ a frightening future for some ethnic communities in Kenya”, he ought to ask himself whether he had contributed to the promotion of interethnic animosity.

Continual insults of elderly leaders and reference to them in derogatory terms obviously inflame their communities dislike for the offenders. Ethnic slurs are internalised by the offended communities and militate against national unity. They also make the offending community a common enemy of other tribes.

I do agree with Mr Murungi that violence is a deliberate political strategy by desperate groups for effecting changes in political system that alienates them.

Any serious observer of the changing attitudes should have noticed the heightened ethnic mistrust in Kenya after the last referendum on the Wako draft constitution.

The voting pattern showed that all other communities were standing up against one entity.

And as the campaigns for the oranges and bananas raged, Kenyans continued to witness the most destructive and hateful insults traded between two main blocs.

As I was growing up in Embu, I noticed that by the time children were six or seven, they usually had absorbed the basic attitudes of the regional subculture of overt pride and prejudice against other tribes.

I would like to advise a minister from my region that although it is not possible to legislate against attitudes and prejudices, we should not antagonise communities by careless utterances and ethnic slurs.

The country is aflame with ethnic fever, communities are in a state of high alert for signs of cronyism, nepotism and clannism regarding regional quotas in appointments to positions of authority and enrolments in colleges.

To avoid the desperation Murungi talked about, we should build a nation whereby patterns of political power and economic reward are tested on a distributive formula. And to avoid this discontent, strident guidelines for recruitment urgent to be imposed.

EVEN THOUGH CERTAIN POLITICAL parties had fairplay as their campaign slogans, history has taught us that every community has the potential for nepotism when an opportunity presents itself

The proposed new constitutional dispensation should not allow unscrupulous leaders to use situation ethics to justify digressions from nationally accepted moral standards.

For in cases where communities discern institutional barriers to equal appointments and treatment, one should expect MPs to march in different directions and to face each other across an abyss. Ask Kofi Annan.

Since Kenya is a mosaic of many tribes, we should place a positive value on our cultural diversity.

The ongoing mayhem in the country has proved to Kenya’s main tribes that their perceived individual numerical strengths were a lethal miscalculation. After all who has won the battle? Who has not lost?

Mr Njiru is press secretary, Office of the Former President