Hey all! I'm feeling better about my financial situation. I've been working really hard and I think the December 31st deadline is looking more doable. All this plus my landlady agreed to give me some more time to put together money for my rent, my uni also gave me some breathing room and I've cut up my credit card so no new charges except the interest. So we may be okay.

Otherwise an intese working experience - 14 hour days are no longer bizzare but I'm not complaning.

Take care.

Hang on folks it looks like we're heading into another dark patch.

Sometimes I look at my life and I think yes, I can manage this, I can get through this. Other times like today, I just feel tired. And strained.

What if I just run away? What if I just dissappear? Who would notice and who would care? I'm sorry to offend but none of this makes any f**king sense. I just can't seem to get this right and I am tired of trying. Today I cleared out my bank account to pay my rent and I'm still short. I don't know what to do. I've already got another job but I don't get paid for a few days. All the money I have in the world is in my wallet - and its not much. I want to blame God but I know that God has nothing to do with this. Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa - I have no one to blame but me. It is entirely my fault that I am here. Will the Lord help me anyway? How can I even stand before Him covered in all this...shame and guilt. I have been stupid. Greedy. And utterly selfish.

I have no one to talk to, no one to show weakness to. I just have to grin and bear it, right? But I'm so confused! I don't know where to run to now. Where can I hide from all this aggrevation?

I really believe in some of the work I'm doing voluntarily, but if I can't even get food on my table (literally) at the end of the day, is it worth it? I've sacrificed so much over the last year and I still can't get anyone to believe in me or support me. Banging on doors, making phone calls, attending meetings - none of it matters if I have nowhere to sleep at the end of the day (almost literally as I can barely make my rent), and nothing to line my stomach. And on top of that I am flat broke. I want to quit. I want to walk away from it all, find a rich man, get hitched and be a kept woman.

Maybe its the hunger talking. If all this is meant to build character, I must have a really well built character.

But enough. Complaining does nothing. I'm sorry you had to witness that bout of self depreciation. I just needed to vent a little. I'm feeling a little lost.

Are you a Christmas tree? That to me is one of the more bizzarre questions that you are never likely to hear. Much like the spirit of this post - one of the bizzare moments of utter desparation you are unlikely to hear from me.